I love to sing! |
Music
has always profoundly affected me. My mum says I used to happily sing
hymns in my pushchair as a toddler. And there are times, certain
pieces of music, I can't quite put my finger on quite which ones and
when, but times still when the deep emotion expressed in music stops
me dead in my tracks, and the tears well up from that place in me
that's lost in music.
"Music has always profoundly affected me"
I feel lots of things deeply. My wife will
confirm that I cry at most films I watch - but it's music that is
often what stirs those deep emotional waters. Most recently it was
the film of Les Mis - the powerful music, the rich redemptive story,
that primal emotion - that churned me up. How I'd love to sing a part
of that story!
I
was a choirboy at school, not the best treble in the choir (I never
got the main solo in Once in Royal David's City), but passable, and I
certainly enjoyed singing. I distinctly remember the first time I
sang with the senior choir, in four part harmony, with the tenors and
basses joining us - I was filled with wonderment, not quite believing
that we were making this amazing sound. I'm almost certain we were
singing Christmas carols, and even now I love those rich harmonies
in the traditional arrangements I grew up with.
I
fell out of the choir when my voice broke, but it wasn't long before
I was back in the choir after a road-to-Damascus moment one summer
day led me to abruptly change my GCSE choices to include music.. and
the deal was that those (few) of us studying music had to sing.
Singing in South Africa... in an empty pool! |
With my studies I also joined a barbershop quartet with Mr Knights and fellow music students - painfully learning the value and necessity of attentively listening to my fellow singers.. even if we were only singing "Toot, toot, tootsie" and other barbershop classics!
It's
funny how there are certain accidental nodes, compass points around
which our lives turn - waypoints that we observe upon looking back
over time. One sticks in my mind, when as a self-conscious fourteen
year old I was embarrassed to sing too loudly in our seats at church.
I can't remember whether it was in the car on the way home, and I'm
certain that it was just a well meaning but essentially trivial
comment, when my mum said to me something along the lines that there
was a lovely voice inside me waiting to get out. I think this was
probably the Speech Therapist in her saying something reassuring to a
teenager suffering the trauma of his voice breaking (not that mine
broke all that dramatically anyway, just suddenly went down a few
octaves!) and the general awkwardness the teenage years bring.
"It's funny how there are certain accidental nodes, compass points around which our lives turn..."
Regardless of the intention, the words lodged in my heart and
released in me a new found confidence to sing, which led to me
singing more.. which has, in time, released that inner voice,
becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. But I'm glad and grateful for
that offhand comment - and it shows what simple words of encouragement can
lead to.
My
big sister is an exceptionally talented artist, and with a strong
sense of compassion (she also feels things very deeply). When I was a
gaunt university student and she could see how much singing meant to
me, out of her meagre teacher's salary she generously paid for me to
have singing lessons.
My singing teacher, Angela, wasn't your run of
the mill, sing scales at a piano type teacher. She was all about the
mechanics of the voice ("I want to give you your instrument"),
and her lessons were unconventional - singing while bouncing on
physiotherapy balls, singing crawling like a cat, singing while
stretching giant rubber bands, singing with a toothbrush in your
mouth - but the more I look back the more I realise this period was
one of the most significant events in my life because she really did
teach me how to use my voice as an instrument. Studying Engineering
(in a pretty loose sense for my first couple of years at Uni) I
really "got" her approach to the mechanics of the voice.
Singing with my daughter... |
To be honest, I think at some point in their life
everyone needs someone neutral with a critical eye to point out bad
habits, slouches, feet dragging, missing teeth!
And for Angela's direction I am also profoundly grateful. As a by product I've also worked hard since then not to have any more teeth out (it significantly affects vocal tone)... enduring hours of uncomfortable dentistry over the years as a result!
And for Angela's direction I am also profoundly grateful. As a by product I've also worked hard since then not to have any more teeth out (it significantly affects vocal tone)... enduring hours of uncomfortable dentistry over the years as a result!
It's
been well over a decade since then, and in that time I feel I have
grown into my voice as it's matured. My range has extended, my tone
has improved, my power increased. In a real way, my singing lessons
connected up my voice with my body, but also helped my voice express my "me"-ness.
When I sing, all of me comes out. The tone and timbre of my voice is
an expression of all I've ever been through, an extension of my
heart. That's what I hope anyway. I sing with joy, pain, anger,
frustration, peace.. the whole spectrum of human emotion is there in
some proportion.
"When I sing, all of me comes out"
When
I was four I started to learn the piano. When I was fourteen I picked
up the guitar. I play a number of instruments (it's my learner
theme), but these days when people ask me what my main instrument
is there's no hesitation. It's my voice. I'm a singer. It's me. I
can't seem to help it, but it's deeply, profoundly, fundamentally an
expression of who I am.
I
hope I can sing long into old age. It's been over a decade since my
first album, but I hope I can sing more songs from my own heart. I
hope I can sing more with my children, and their children, maybe even
their children's children. More than that, I hope, somehow, that my
singing encourages others to reach inside themselves and draw out
those things that are uniquely them.. those precious talents and
gifts bestowed on us by a loving God. Those are things we're made
for.
So
when I sing, I sing out the song inside me, the song of all I have
been, all I am, and all I'm made to be.
And that, for me, is why I sing.
*************
Thanks for taking the time to read my Musings on Why I Sing! If you've enjoyed it why not share it with your friends on social media? Why not subscribe to The Potting Shed Podcast on iTunes for the audio version of many of my posts and much more (direct RSS feed is here).
I'd love to hear from you, so feel free to comment below or email me at stricklandmusings@gmail.com
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